I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
