I wish they made helmets for livers.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
