I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
