Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
