1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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