people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
