you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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