he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
