YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
