I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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