Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
