I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
