apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
