The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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