I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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