Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
