then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
