haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
