No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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