so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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