May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
