Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
