Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
