i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
