honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
