god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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