it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
