If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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