i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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