3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
