You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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