just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
