we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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