In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
