We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think my moral compass just broke
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