I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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