I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
