We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
