I feel like abortions should bother me more
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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