Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
