everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Michael Bay diarrhea
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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