I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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