i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
