Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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