dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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