Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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