I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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