I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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