he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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