I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
