This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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