She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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