smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
