fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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