You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
