Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
